Gem (catskilt) wrote,

Doom spelled out in Suju dorkery

So I'm finally back from Nanjing and somewhat ready to make a concert report, though warnings in advance that my memory is sketchy and mixed up and I did not, horrors, recognise many of the songs in the SS3 set list. Trawling through the labelled fancams for the Beijing concert sort of helped in identifying some of the encore songs but does not help make me feel any better about not recognising so many songs (the set list for SS3 is so weird, okay?).

Anyway, I'm going to start from when Anmi, Bren and I arrived at the Olympic Stadium Park Gymnasium thing. We went at about 6pm because we knew of the existence of the crazy fan booths that we've all seen pictures of in twitter and I was kind of like, hey we're in China, we might as well see it for ourselves, y/y? Anmi didn't seem too keen on being privy to such madness but I insisted on it anyway so we trooped there at 6pm to come upon a sight which I quite strongly believe will not happen anywhere else in the world because 1) Chinese fans are insane, 2) Chinese people are very enterprising and will capitalise on anything money-making, 3) Chinese fans are insane.

There were these rows and rows of long tables, mats spread out on the floor, people walking around hawking their wares, and those wares came overflowing and messed up and thrown together and bunched up in all shapes and sizes of key-chains, pillows, posters, bags, face masks, light boards, light sticks, wallet cards, calendars, digital clocks,…it was like some kind of a huge night market with about a thousand girls milling about selling and bargaining, and sneakily creeping in the middle of it all many thirty-something men selling idol goods too. There were the scalpers (or 'huang niu') selling tickets as well, of course, but they were literally drowned out by the incredible fandom business that was going on a few feet away from them with goods made from official pictures (DailyVita, etc.), fansite pictures (we all know these), and fanart that I have to admit were absolutely adorable and I really…sort of wanted a tote bag with the fanart of beansprouts Hyuk and onion Hae being all chibi and smiley and squishy :/ And there was even a cool-looking black face mask that said 'HyukHae' (赫海) which yes, I was tempted to get too but Anmi was all "What are you going to say when people ask you what it is?" and yes you can stop judging me now :/ IT'S IN THE AIR, OKAY. YOU BECOME BATSHIT WHEN YOU'RE IN THE BATSHIT ATMOSPHERE.

This was when we were telling ourselves that a concert in China is an experience like no fucking other and tbh I was actually glad that I managed to see it at least once, because Singapore or Malaysia will never ever be like that given how lazy and passive we are and anyway it's too hot to hold a pasar malam (night market) outside the Indoor Stadium…will probably get chased away by the police too.

I bought myself a 'Donghae' light stick (I repeat, Hyukjae fans to stop judging me rn! D:) and Bren got herself an 'Eunhyuk' one (a-ha! Reason why I didn't buy Eunhyuk again!) and Anmi bought 'Sungmin' because 'Heechul' was out of stock (more on how crazy mad on Heechul China is later) and then we realised that we'd inadvertently bought 3Lee light sticks whereupon we had gleeful girly giggles and took a picture.

I approve that Hyuk is in the middle. Giving and receiving. Just saying.

So then we were in the venue at last, and ngl our assigned seats weren't the best in the house…after a while I realised it was because entire sections were blocked out by fanclubs much like how tour agencies block out airline tickets and basically, you're not going to get a decent seat if you're not affiliated to, idk, or something. Was kind of sulky about that, because our seats were partially restricted and we were so far up front that we couldn't see what was going on at any other end except ours, the main stage, and the centre stage (BUT IT WORKED OUT IN THE END, KIND OF, BECAUSE HYUKJAE CAME OVER SO OFTEN). But in the end we were like, ok we're just going to enjoy it, and that was when the Chinese fans started to show off how coordinated they could be.

Someone in the rock pitt started it off by toting a HanChul light stick and the whole stadium started screaming and taking photos, and that was when the Heechul fans started showing off their light boards and more HanChul light sticks and pictures and whatever, cue more hysterical screaming, and then the 'Listen to Kyu' fanclub jumped in by raising all their light boards with 'Kyu' on it (which was pretty, tbh), and then ELFISH (at least, I'm assuming so) had to get into the action with their 'Hae' light boards, and then a few humble 'Hyuk' light boards showed up but nobody cared and I was sad D:

Basically, China is crazy on Heechul and I felt like I was sitting in the middle of a giant Heechul fan club which, technically, I was since everyone around me was a Heechul fan. I exaggerate not.

There weren't any Teuk or Shindong banners that I could see, but there was a fucking enormous Siwon board facing the centre stage (which never lit up fully; some technical glitch I guess), a nice big Ryeowook banner by the side, a big Kyuhyun banner next to it, a few small little Hyukjae banners scattered here and there (with a giant light board that said 'Hyuk' with a heart in place of the circle and it looked very pretty in the dark), a Donghae banner, a huge Kangin light board, a Kibum banner, etc., but far and away were the 2387 Heechul/HanChul banners I am not kidding they were EVERYWHERE.

Finally the lights dim and everyone screams and the blue light sticks are all waving and it's really very, very pretty unlike the Malaysia SS2 where people were too busy holding their cameras to wave their light sticks and here is when my narration begins to lose coherence.

I won't say much about the opening numbers because they're dance numbers and pretty much standard. Just a few observations:
-The round thing plonked in the middle of the centrestage might be good for their levitation or whatever but it also manages to block half your view quite effectively and in summary, it is retarded, who was the genius who thought it up? -_-
-Why does Donghae get to be the speshal one who flies up first in that dramehtic spotlight-shining godly manner?
-Henry and Zhou Mi came out for the Don't Don instrumental break, Henry was on his violin and Zhou Mi was doing some terrible lipsynching and Heechul was going crazy on the drums, it was quite cool overall :D
-Eunhyuk is really outstanding when he dances. I feel that official videos don't really do him justice because they're always focused on his upper body or lower body or face, and while he has a very nice face, to appreciate the quality of his dancing you have to see his full body and how he moves his knees and feet and arms and hands and fingers, it's pretty masterful.
-Super Girl was fun :D
-Shindong popped up in the opening, but after that he was MIA for all the dance numbers and Bren and I were puzzling over where he was :/
-Teuk and Shindong (I think) came flying up during No Other with a big bunch of balloons, which I don't recall them letting go to the audience but it was sweet and bubbly and balloony like the song is.

So then the introduction happens. Heechul makes everyone do his milky skin chant. Shindong comes out with his arm in a cast and says in the cutest Chinese imaginable (DONGHAE, KYUHYUN, RYEOWOOK, STEP ASIDE. SHINDONG HAS THE CUTEST CHINESE, FACT.), "I am injured! But it's okay! It's okay!" and at that point I'm screaming NOOO SHINDONG T___T because I am partially heartbroken when Shindong isn't around. And he really proceeds to be MIA for most of the concert, which really kind of affected the mood and I think Hyukjae might have been extra-hyper this time round because of it. IDK. That dude was on crack, I swear. Yesung says his one Chinese line, "ni chi fan le ma?"

Donghae comes out with his big fuzzy hat hanging off his back, and Hyuk whacks him. Siwon comes out with a red cloth and holds it up in front of Kyu. Sungmin, Ryeowook, Donghae and Hyukjae are in these big black overcoats that stay in the air when they bend down and there's a lot of playfulness going around with them having competitions or something with their bending down, and at one point Hyukjae and Teuk seem to get into a contest of who-can-bend-down-faster. Or maybe who-can-bend-down-weirder. I'm not entirely sure. They just spend about 10 seconds standing opposite each other and bending down and making weird faces while Siwon looks on and tries to be useful being a judge or mediator or something.

When the song is over (and I don't even remember what song it was, God help me), er…another song starts? And Donghae and Hyukjae take off each other's overcoat and shoulder-standee-thing. Like, um, you know how they're very practised with taking off each other's clothes.

Then come the solos! Ryeowook's solo is up first and he's sitting with Sungmin on the guitar. He sings A Fine Spring Day, and the effect is very, very pretty with Sungmin making tinkly noises on his acoustic guitar and looking very serious-faced and Ryeowook being very fluffy-haired and sentimental-faced. I think Anmi was probably spazzing the heck out because she's mad on MinWook and yes this was just, mmm, very MinWooky and tbh I much prefer Ryeowook doing these kind of pretty, slow ballads as compared to his awkwardfest of an Insomnia for SS2, lmao.

Kyuhyun comes up next and he does Xin Bu Liao Qing, which is basically one of the most singalong-able and recognisable Chinese songs around and so everyone in the stadium sings along and I think he cries but it could also have been an effect of being sick (which we found out later).

We are then plunged from sweet sappy to slutty when Sungmin emerges for his soft porn show disguised as a dance solo in which he grinds and rubs and fondles four scantily clad dancers who run their hands all over his body and make very during-sex faces. Just as everyone's on a high and somewhat horny after all the action on stage, Siwon comes out to sing…a Christian song. Like, reminding us that we should be, idk, repentant of our reactions towards Sungmin's solo or something. He tells us, "Wo ai ni, shen ye ai ni!" (I love you, God loves you too) and idek this is just. Siwon. Dressed in the chastity of white with a spotlight gleaming on him.

I love the concert planner just then, because right after Siwon's repent-thy-sins! comes Eunhyuk and Donghae's duet which involves bare skin and groping and HELLO WE ARE BACK IN WORLDLY WORLD with Hyuk flashing us his abs and being all snuggly with the female dancer. Donghae snatches her away when he comes up and idek okay he is so MANRI with her the way he skids and bounces around her (okay so bouncing is a wrong word but I can't think of another atm for what Donghae does) and basically makes love to air molecules. We're lucky enough to be seated at the side that Hyukjae faces when stripping his shirt and oh boy does he strip, rip in fact, that material into pieces and rolls his beautifully toned lean body at us under the spotlight and all three of us, Anmi Bren and me are in pieces of total want and lust for that gorgeous piece of man on stage.

You can tell my excitement.

The abs are the point of this picture.

After that comes this ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS VTR INVOLVING WEAPONS TURNING INTO FOOD and of course it's Suju-T, the most insane, hilarious, crackpot, amazing subgroup ever in the history of subgroups. They come out with Tok Tok Tok and their glittery obiang jackets and act like the most ridiculous getai singers with Sungmin and Heechul grinding, Hyuk and Donghae doing a pirouette, and all sorts of silly things idek. Shindong isn't there which sucks but I still love this song sfm and sometime during it, Heechul picks up two photo manips, one HanChul and one EunHae. The EunHae is this wedding manip where Hyuk is the groom and Hae is the bride (a very ugly bride I may add) and Heechul hands it off to Donghae, who shows it to Hyuk and they giggle over it, seeing their future maybe (only hopefully with better-looking wedding photos) and a;dlskj I just love this song, okay? This manip gets handed around quite a lot during the concert until finally Siwon discards it in the middle of the stage during You & I.

…Which is the next song. AND I HAS FANCAM FOR IT. In which Yesung, Donghae and Hyukjae go crazy and Ryeowook piggybacks Kyuhyun and EunSiHae do some mad dancing and Shindong comes wandering across my section with his wounded arm in a cast and Sungmin holds his hand and I am screaming my lungs out because I LOVE SHINDONG SO MUCH AND I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AND HE IS AWESOME.

A tiny YeWook moment for thundersquall and I spot some SiHae going on too!

A little bit of SiHyuk for hyuksauce

I don't recognise the song that comes after You & I, but IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE EUNHYUK COMES OVER TO MY SECTION AND HE IS ADORABLY ADORABLE AND CUTE AND EVERYTHING!!!! And he dances a bit, throws his arms wide open, kneels down, looks up at everyone, does many heart signs with his arms, and my god he is just fucking gorgeous, k!

And yes, at one point I'm yelling "TURN! TURN AROUND!" and he does. :D

At the end of it, Anmi leans over and yells, "THAT WAS YOUR MONEY'S WORTH RIGHT THERE" and I scream back "YESSSSS."

Then suddenly this dude appears on stage with Gaga glasses and after a second of "Who is that?" (don't be judging, I'm sure half the stadium thought the same thing, ok), I realise it's Zhou Mi doing a solo with a lot of back up dancers. The whole effect was of fabulosity and it was apparently an old Elva Hsiao song, which makes sense because at that time Bren was saying that it felt like a Sammi Cheng performance and anyone familiar with c-pop concerts will know how his performance felt, very bling.

Shake It Up and Twins come next. Shake It Up has a great choreography and it's really watchable, the guys carried it off effortlessly and then there's this gorgeous dance break before Twins that has Hyukjae hip thrusting right before us and idk, I want to be the oxygen hanging around his crotch area. Heechul's hair deserves a mention here because he has it up in some funky style and it's fly and diva deserving enough of being on Kim Heechul's head.


Yesung's solo, It Has To Be You, happens next, in which he stands motionless in centrestage and does his thing. The Yesung fanclub had earlier passed out black cardbord signs with 'Cloud' (in Korean) in bright green lettering on them to everyone in the stadium (and I do mean EVERYONE, you cannot fault them for laziness) and so people are all holding up the cardboards and Yesung looks very happy at the end. He does have a really husky rich beautiful voice and it sounded fantastic. I think Chinese fans favour him and Siwon after their emperor creepybun promoter Heechul.

For thundersquall! :D

All My Heart! Kyuhyun comes and stands in front of my section, and I'm ecstatic about it but after a while it gets boring watching him because he does nothing and okay, Kyuhyun, I love you to little tiny bits but you have to learn how to interact more. Just standing there holding your microphone and smiling doesn't quite cut it. So I look over at Teuk instead, who's being tugged at by some fans, and then the boys all congregate on the centrestage and sing to each other during which Hyuk and Donghae make little dance moves. And then Hyuk walks over to Donghae and puts their faces really really close and COME ON STOP BEING SUCH TEASES JUST FRENCH KISS ALREADY IN THE WAY I KNOW YOU DO IN THE DORMS but of course they don't because then they wouldn't be teases and Yesung goes up on a podium (don't know why he gets that special treatment) and they turn to face the audience, and it's a really cute performance overall :DDD Which you will see in my fancam, excuse the shaking during the EunHae moment because my eyes were O__O just then focused on the stage instead of the camera.

Our dead fish of a Kyuhyun.


EUNHAE. They get the caps.

See, Yesung gets elevated.

Bonamana. The VTR just before this is gorgeous, very luxurious and classy with the members being portrayed as Class A superstars or something and then the performance starts. All I remember of this is: hip thrusting and ABSOLUTELY SLUTTY TEUKCHUL. Wherein Teuk pulls down his jacket to expose the expanse of his back and Heechul runs his finger down it, goddamn their slutty.

The expanse of his back.

U. Or rather, a rock version of U, which sounds great and looks even greater because Donghae touches Hyuk's head and Hyuk makes a move to go down on his knees (like the obedient boy he is) but then he stops midway and they just…THEY JUST TOUCH AND I AM HAPPY.


Dancing Out, which I immediately focus on the stage because my EunHae radar tells me it's going to happen and IT DOES HAPPEN only not in the normal suggestive touchy way but in a retarded adorable way with them doing this little spazzy dance together. Hyukjae bounces bounces bounces and his mushroom hair bounces along with him and he is such a ridiculous ball of energy (Anmi: "All that stamina, imagine what he would be like in bed") and Donghae is his usual sweetheart by kneeling down, picking up a card from a fan and reading it and then putting it into his inner pocket. I was all focused on the stage so I didn't notice the other members, but then again they were all in other sides and I wouldn't have seen them clearly anyway.

COOKING COOKING. Okay so I am going to be obnoxious about this performance because THERE WAS SO MUCH ADORABLE IN IT OMGGGGG IDE. The VTR is adorable to begin with about these veggies wanting to lose weight and become shiny and while it's playing I see Sungmin standing watching the big screen in his very round pumpkin costume and when it's over he comes out first, then Ryeowook in his even rounder tomato costume and THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE and then this bouncing white and yellow thing comes out and it's Hyukjae in his sperm disguised as beansprouts costume and of course he's jumping jumping and all the sprouts are jumping with him. Donghae is fat and poofy in his onion and his arms just hang uselessly by his sides and then the two of them are making their way over to my section and I am freaking the fuck out and Hyuk hits the fans with his sprouts and yes he is standing in front of me and waving his sprouts and GOD I HAVE RUN OUT OF VOCABULARY FOR HIM, HE IS SUCH A RETARDED DORK AND I WANT TO SQUISH HIM AND HIS SPROUTS TOGETHER.

Then he walks to the other side and bumps into Heechul, who then attempts to hug him but they sort of bounce of each other because they're so fatty. Hyukjae yells "nanananana" for Shindong's line. Kyuhyun the green pepper is hitting Sungmin pumpkin with something and Sungmin pumpkin is skipping away from him and they are so cute idek and Heechul the chilli pepper is waddling with difficulty to my section and everyone around me goes nuts because it's Heechul. Finally they all congregate in centerstage, and Hyukjae goes wild for no apparent reason, flailing his arms all over the place and Yesung the broccoli comes speeding up with a giant baby bottle soft toy which he then proceeds to whack Donghae in the face with and Donghae is really pissed off and kicks Yesung. But Yesung doesn't notice because he's happily hitting Hyukjae's face with it. Then they all take off their costumes and kick them into the middle, but Hyuk's having difficulty removing his sprouts (and Donghae commences kicking the onion at him) and when he does, he falls back onto the pumpkin whereupon the boys bombard him with the vegetables and Siwon hits him repeatedly with the cabbage and it evolves into an all-out vegetable fight because they're ten years old, apparently. AND IT IS SO ABUSIVE.

Way for Love is next, and Donghae picks up a big glittery red ribbon which he puts on his head. He finally comes over and he is gorgeous as Donghae is gorgeous and hrrnngggg I have such lust for him. He also picks up mittens which he puts on and I can't imagine how sweaty his palms must have gotten in there. Everyone goes to the main stage and Hyukjae starts dancing Bonamana on his own and generally being hyper all by himself; I don't remember what the rest do but you can see it in the fancam :DDDD (oh, what useful things.) Apparently Heechul and Kyuhyun pick up a pair of mitts too, which they share and do kinky things with but this is Anmi's report so I don't know anything else about it.

Donghae's mittens.

Hyuk pointing something out.

So the concert is almost at an end and they talk a bit, or rather Teuk talks, and says the final song is coming up, which is You Are The One. Donghae also talks a bit in his Chinese and goes all "dui bu dui? Xing bu xing? Hao bu hao?" which is really kind of adorable. They all separate again and Hyukjae is in the centre, where he picks up a remote control and starts driving this little toy car that blares glaring multi-coloured lights. The toy car is flippy and spastic and it flails all over the stage, zooming here and there and almost running into the rock pit and then falling and flipflopping all over obstacles in its path (and the stage is LITTERED, I swear) and Hyukjae is fascinated with his toy. Because he is ten years old. Then he stops and picks it up and I think he's getting bored with it but no, it was to sing his line because he carries the toy car all the way to the main stage whereupon he recommences playing with it again and oh god LEE HYUKJAE YOU ARE SUCH A KID. He doesn't let go of it until finally Yesung rips it out of his hands and he is unhappy and decides to walk away. Yesung is then fascinated.

Hyukjae and his toy.

They leave the stage, but come back soon enough with WonderBoy. Hyukjae starts flinging water from his water bottle on everyone and he's flinging and flinging and then Heechul comes after him and dumps water on him and then hands his bottle in a very civilised manner to a fan. Teuk changes into rabbit slippers (and shrinks two inches, ahem), and puts on a chick headgear. Kyuhyun gets a pirate hat and Hyukjae has this little mini One Piece yellow hat.

They gather for one last talk and walkabout to say thank you to everyone. Hyukjae is carrying his little sparkly spastic toy car about. They reach the main stage and Zhou Mi and Henry come out. Henry starts talking in Chinese which sounds pretty awful and which I love him for because it sounds like the way I speak Chinese. During his speech, Heechul gets fascinated by bling bling multi-coloured toy car in Hyuk's arms and wants to see its powers. So Hyuk puts it down and shows off its driving skills and Heechul is all O.o very impressed and Hyuk is proud and then Heechul starts jabbing at Zhou Mi, who's all "I'm Zhou Mi" and for some reason everyone starts imitating him. He's pulled to the front and then he trips over the little spastic toy car and goes "oh!" whereupon Hyukjae screams out this CRY OF PAIN "OHHHHH!!!!" AND PICKS UP THE TOY CAR IMMEDIATELY AND CUDDLES IT TO HIS CHEST IN DISTRESS AND IT IS THE BEST FUCKING MOMENT OF THE ENTIRE CONCERT. I cannot describe it any better, you have to watch it to see how epic it was:

The cry of pain happens about three quarters into the video.

Clinging to his spastic little toy car to the bitter end.

Ryeowook has a green pillow with his cartoon on it, Yesung has ferraro rocher chocolates (however you spell them), and Heechul does not bow down because he is Heechul.

They then proceed to dump water on Zhou Mi and after they're done abusing him they go "WE ARE SUPER JUNIOR!" Heechul is carrying a big bunch of stuff. Hyukjae is still clinging onto his toy car as he and Kyuhyun walk off together.

Donghae hangs around as usual and Henry comes up to him and does something to his cheek (kisses him maybe?) and then they finally go backstage and it is all over.

Somewhere in the concert is Hate U Love U, but I don't know where, so I'll just dump the fancam here! It is pretty and all the guys look and sound fantastic. …okay the fancam hasn't finished processing yet, so.

There are some general observations that the three of us noted and I'll just dump it here for your interest:

- Donghae forever touching fans’ hands and kissing them.
- Teuk also very into audience touching.
- Heechul very polite. Thanks fans when he catches things thrown at him.
- Kyu needs to learn to emote and interact more.
- China is very very very big on heechul. Crazily big.
- Hyuk is super hyper and bouncy. Hyuk needs a haircut.
- Siwon = slut.
- Donghae’s hair was very nice
- Heechul’s hair for shake it up and twins = awesome!
- Sungmin needs a haircut.
- Heechul is really polite when receiving his gifts, he'll stand and bow in thanks to the fans.
- Chinese fans are really calm and not-hyper during the concert except when Heechul comes over. I wish they'd been more hyper, it would have been more fun.

AND WITH THIS, I WIND UP THE CRAZY NANJING CONCERT REPORT OF DOOM. I had a great time with ky_rin and cringelemon and we screamed our lungs out and it felt good :DDDD

All pictures are by cringelemon and all fancams are by me.
Tags: beansprouts and onion = true love, fandom rambling, fandom wow, kyuhyuk hello, le kyuface pwns faces, obnoxiously biased towards the lee, oh hyukjae ilusfm, omg what, pics of goodness, schoolgirl crushing on donghae, shindong!, so i do stan hyukchul, suju eats my soul, sungmin can do no wrong, teukie teukie eeteuk, the lost avalon is inside suju's pants, the precious and charming eunhyuk, this is super junior
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